


Every Last One...

by just_an_aussie_otaku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Heavy Angst, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, I’m probably gonna re-write this at some point, Self-Hatred, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide, i wrote this instead of doing an assignment shh, this is way longer than I intended it to be whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 22:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12898158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_an_aussie_otaku/pseuds/just_an_aussie_otaku
Summary: From the moment he saw that Titan snap his mother’s back and swallow her whole, Eren Jaeger had been determined to eliminate every last Titan – a dream that had finally become a reality… Or has it?





	Every Last One...

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after season two, and as such will not follow the manga/canon story after that point. This was WAY longer than I intended it to be... Whoops!  
> Based on a screenshot of a Tumblr post I found on Instagram a while back. 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BWZt1wkjbln/?taken-by=that_aussie_otaku&hl=en

  
The image had always haunted him.

The way that Titan reached down and plucked his mother from their collapsed home… Her blood raining down upon them as Hannes slung the boy over his shoulder and ran for dear life. The creature's sickening grin would haunt him until the day they put him in the ground. And no matter how many times he scrubbed himself in the baths; no matter how many times he willed his mind to forget the sight of Carla’s lifeless body disappearing into the giant’s maw, the nightmares never ceased.

He was constantly awoken by his night-terrors; tears streaming down his face, his body aching from the rigorous physical training, so most nights he just lay there on his bunk, numb to the world as he tried to return to sleep. His dreams worsened after his former comrades – Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover – attacked the Trost district in their Titan forms for the second time. Even more so after his fight with Annie.

He was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and the ever-present danger of the government suddenly deciding he was too much of a loose cannon and ordering his execution did little to help the matter. Armin and Mikasa’s presence in his life was more valuable to him than words could ever express, and though they could never truly understand how much they meant to him, he would always put himself on the line to ensure their wellbeing. Damn, if that wasn't the most cliché thing he'd ever heard.

While most people’s dreams and nightmares were completely of the mind’s creation – giant bugs crawling all over them, being buried alive, growing wings and soaring high over rooftops – the dreams of soldiers weren’t dreams at all, but memories. Memories of friends and family, memories of training and skill building, memories of death and sorrow… Eren rarely dreamt after that first titan attack on Shiganshina; Armin later explained to him how human brains created dreams and nightmares to escape and to cope with reality.

His dreams stopped coming after their latest battle with Reiner and Bertholdt, where they were suddenly swarmed with Titans. They lost so many soldiers; Commander Erwin lost an arm, and Eren - he lost the man whom he had considered to be his stand-in father. When he saw Hannes being bitten in two by the very titan that had started his spiral into depravity. When they arrived back within the walls, Eren hid in the stables and just… cried. For hours on end. ‘It's just like what happened to mum... If only Mikasa and I had just run and hidden when we first saw that soulless grin. If only Hannes hadn’t been so stupid as to try to protect us. If only I reacted faster. If only I wasn't so useless…’

Eren wondered: _'if he did dream, what would they be about? A peaceful family dinner, where his father was actually here, his mother was alive and Mikasa wasn’t so cold and numb to the world?'_

_'Or would he never again be blessed with dreams, being forced to suffer through his past mistakes night after night?'_

After that, humanity poured every last soldier into the war effort. It was a long and gruelling war, lasting for many years. So many of his fellow soldiers had lost limbs, their minds, loved ones and their own lives. Eren himself had shifted into his Titan form in almost every battle he fought in. He sometimes wondered if he had any sanity, any humanity left at all. He would savagely attack horde after horde of the creatures, tearing the beasts limb from limb, uncaring of the horror displayed on his comrades' faces. When they returned from battle he would catch other soldiers glace at him warily, though when he passed them they would give words of praise and encouragement. He would hear whispers of him wherever he went: _"Did you see the way he impaled that nine-meter with his bare hands?"... "That screech of his will never stop being terrifying"... "I'm just glad he's on our side."_

He began avoiding other people when interaction wasn't needed - they didn't need to see how broken he was, how much of a monster he'd become.

_"You can't change anything unless you can discard part of yourself too. To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity."_

_'Armin sure was right about that; so let me be the monster, shielding the humans from the atrocities that seek to destroy them. Let me strip any semblance of humanity from myself until nothing remains but the beast; so that I can truly become "humanity's last hope"’._

It was a shock to all the soldiers when not one but three individual scouting teams reported that there were no Titans, at least not within two day’s ride of the walls. Erwin remained vigilant, and sent out another four teams, farther this time; one in each compass direction. They returned after two weeks, their reports were the as the previous expeditions'.

_‘Are they in hiding? Or have we finally eradicated them all? No, that's too good to be true, I'm sure they're just waiting until we've let our guards down. I won't let that happen. Not again.'_

And so he trained: he would use nearby trees as punching bags (he'd broken the sandbags), he'd punch until his knuckles bled or the tree splintered and fell; he would practice martial arts with Mikasa and some of the veterans; he would haul materials to and from construction sites to improve his stamina.

The government finally got its act together and started acting like a functioning form of authority: they began assigning teams to begin fertilizing barren land with animal manure and plotting out new farms. They issued new homes and businesses to be built; to expand existing waterways, and they began efforts to improve and maintain infrastructure.

Eren's role as "humanity's last hope" began to lose relevance. With no more Titans, there was no need for a Titan within the walls. He heard talk of Commander Erwin awarding former soldiers with new ranks and titles, but never paid them any mind.

 

* * *

  
It has been nearly four months since the last Titan battle, the situation within the walls was better than it had been in nearly one hundred years.

Eren sat in the upstairs bathroom of the cottage he shared with Mikasa and Armin. He stood in front of the sink, glaring at his reflection in the mirror. The man he saw was pale and gaunt, his chestnut hair had grown to reach his shoulders. His eyes no longer held that spark of energy and joy, they were now lifeless and blank.

"Eren! You'll never believe what happened today!" A voice called to him from downstairs - Armin. "Come downstairs! We've been asked to come to the capital; we're being presented with awards! Commander Erwin and Captain Levi will be presenting them to us!" Footsteps on the stairs.

_'An award? Why should I get an award? I have done nothing. I've failed my family, my friends, myself.'_

"Eren, are you asleep?" Another voice, softer than the other - Mikasa. The wooden boards creaked under the weight of his two friends.

Eren's vision blurred, tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

He heard a door open, and then close. More footsteps.

"Eren? Where are you?" Who was that? He couldn't tell. He felt as if there was cotton stuffed in his ears, in his mouth.

"Eren? Are you on the toilet or something?" The footsteps drew closer.

_~~(You're too late you're too late you're too late)~~ _

Eren lifted the blade - a simple pocket knife - and drew a clean and quick slit across his neck. His vision blurred once more, as he fell to the ground.

The door opened-

"EREN!" Before the figure could catch him, his head hit the tiles. Blod cascaded down his torso, onto the tiles. The blood stained the collar of his white button-up. It pooled beneath him.

He heard Mikasa screech, desperately pulling his head into her lap, trying to staunch the bleeding. Armin stood in shock for a moment, before he screamed, sinking to his knees.

"M-medkit! get the medkit!" Armin scrambled out of the bathroom, and down the stairs to retrieve the medical supplies in the kitchen.

"Eren, why? Why would you do this?"

"I-I'm sorry."

"Don't talk! Oh God, why?" Rain fell on his face - no, tears.

"I h-had to-"

Armin burst into the room with the medkit, throwing Mikasa the bandages. He kneels on the opposite side of Eren, holding his hand in a tight grip. they worked in tandem to wrap his neck in the bandage, but the blood just kept seeping through.

"Damnit, Eren! You should have talked to us! We were right here!" Armin screeched.

"I p-promised m-mum that I'd k-kill them all... Every l-last... one" Eren rasped.

"Why would you do this?!" Mikasa screamed.

"Eren, you're-you're human! You said so yourself!" Armin sobbed, squeezing his hand.

"I... I love you guys, but... w-we all know I'm not- I'm a Titan..." Eren smiled, "I'll get to see mum again..." Tears fell from his eyes.

"NO!"

"Eren, stay with us!"

"I- love... you guys. S-so much... Promise me, that- you'll go and s-see the ocean... together..."

His breathing stopped.

Armin and Mikasa screamed. They screamed and cried until their throats were raw and there was no more liquid left in them.

Several minutes passed; Armin and Mikasa clung to Eren and each other. 

They stayed that way until-

"Hey, guys what's- oh. Oh God. What-what happened?! Is Eren okay?!" they tear their eyes away from Eren's lifeless form to see a concerned Jean standing in the doorway. 

"J-Jean..." Armin hiccupped. Mikasa just sobbed. 

Jean's concern morphed into horror as the realisation dawned on him.

_Eren Jaeger is dead. He killed himself. And there was nothing we could do._

_He finally got his wish; he'd finally killed all of the Titans. Every last one..._


End file.
